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Dear Julie, I am 28 year old and happily married for 5 years. I would like to go visit a swing club but my wife is not sure this is good for our marriage?
Do you have any advice?

John H.
Atlanta GA.

John,

Sounds like you have a smart wife. My advice is talk it over and over. Make sure you both set the boundaries before visiting a club. Be aware that most couples I talk to enter the lifestyle because the man wants to and then the women enjoys it more than the man. This has been known to create problems in many relationships. Please don't use swinging to save a marriage, use it to strengthen the marriage.

Dear Julie,

I have a question and don't know who to ask. I am 42 and still a virgin. It just never happened. I went on several dates in high school, but never got that serious, in college, i did not date much, then the years went by. Now I find myself at 42 and still a virgin. I don't have the confidence to go on a date and tell the girl I am still a virgin. Any Advice?

Sam M.
Tampa FL.

Dear Sam,

Well as a sex coach, I can suggest a few things. First you might want to pick up a good tantra or karma sutra book or video. I offer personal coaching sessions for individuals like yourself. I work with you to develop techniques for having orgasmic lovemaking, which is so much more than just getting off. You might want to consider contacting an escort or sex surrogate to help as well. Please keep in mind my advice, " sex is something you experience, not something you do to someone". It is like fine wine or a painting in a art gallery.

Dear Julie,

I am a 22 year old girl who just has not found the right guy to date, but I enjoy spending time with my girlfriends. When I get really lonely, I dream about being intimate with my girlfriend Jessie. How do I know if Jessie feels the same way about me? How do I tell her I want to spend some quality time with her? How do I tell my parents I am a lesbian?

Tina S.
Medford OR.

Dear Tina,

Slow down, for starters, there is nothing wrong with wanting to experience all life has to offer, including being intimate with another women. I am Bi Sexual and very proud of it. I started experimenting with my girlfriends when I was really young. At 22, now is the time to experiment and see what feels natural. Just because you want to have a relationship with another women, does not make you a lesbian, you might still find you want to be with a man, so you might find yourself in my category, which is called being bisexual. Now for approaching the topic, this is not an easy one for some, but after you have had as many experiences with women as I have, you can tell what a women likes as soon as you meet them.

Try and watch to see how she reacts to your touch. Women who are not "into it" back up or shy away from touching another women. I noticed that women who are even interested in the subject, even a little curious, will joke and laugh and feel comfortable when you "accidentally" touch them. Also, notice how your friend looks at you. I notice that women who are interested watch other women like a mad does, whereas straight women usually look away.

I know when I see a good looking women, I watch with glistening eyes. My husband sometimes has to remind me to put my tongue back in my mouth.

Hopes this helps and let me know what happens. I know some young girls don't think about it and then later on in life realize what was offered to them and wish they had accepted.

Dear Julie,

My husband wants to try a threesome, but I am not sure. I am not afraid of losing my husband to someone else, but I am not sure I am ready to share him with another women? What do you suggest?

Cindy L.
South Carolina

Dear Cindy,

I receive so many e mails from women with the same exact story. My advice is, if your husband is asking you to be involved in a threesome, why not make the first one with two guys. You won't feel that you are sharing him with a women, you will be the star of the show and most married men at one time or another want to see their wife with another man, so you will be accomplishing many fantasies at once.

My only advice is be careful not to lose track of your husband during this encounter. I hear from so many guys that are crushed that their wives had such a good time, they ignored the husband. Men want to see you have sex with someone else, but they don't want you too enjoy it more than they are. It is similar to being sober at a party when everyone is drinking and it seems like you are the only one not having fun. I always suggest keeping eye contact from time to time with your husband and thanking him along the way for bringing home another lover for you.

Good luck, and keep me posted.

Dear Julie,

I have a question that I could not write to anyone but you. I am happily married and have 3 kids. My problem is, at 40 years old, I realize that I want to be with a man. What should I do, who can I talk to?

Fred R.
St. Louis MO.

Dear Fred,

Don't panic, this is very common. Most gay men don't start acting on their feelings until they are older. They keep trying to fight them.

First I think you need to think what it is about being with a man that fascinates you? Is it the man to man contact? Is it the anal or oral sex? Is it just having sex on the side?

Then I think you owe it to your spouse to tell her what you are feeling. Sometimes women are very understanding, other times they don't understand. But I don't think "cheating" is the answer.

If you tell her and she is comfortable with you experimenting in front of her, look to have a threesome with a bi guy, they are out there, many more than you realize. If she is comfortable with you experimenting without her, you can contact one of these groups, like on yahoo and meet other bi guys. If she is not understanding, then you need the help of a sex coach or a marriage therapist. The therapist will try to find out why you have the urges, As a coach, I will support you in your exploration and maybe help work this situation out between you and your spouse.

It is very common for men to be committed to a wife for many years, but also from time to time have a steady boyfriend to spend some quality time with. It is much more common than you think. I can work with you via phone coaching sessions if you would like.

Dear Julie,

Just wanted to tell you that I took your advice and bought a candle, some organic lotions, a new outfit and some aroma therapy oils. I set a date with my husband and pampered him like a king. Three hours of "focused" therapy. It has really added some spice to our marriage. Your right about "raindrop therapy", it really works. I had never heard of that till our phone session last week. You really have helped rekindle the eternal flame in our marriage and for that, I will always be grateful. You are "Goddess Julie".

Sharon M.
St. Paul MN.

Dear Sharon,

Thank you for the kind words, call me anytime.